Understand...this is...

People talk of God as this being that looks at us from afar. But I feel as if God is behind me watching my life, guiding me and helping me become what he wants me to be. He has guided me through adversity to people who help me out of the problems I have been facing. He gave me a couple gaurdian angels. Derreck for one. He loves me. I do not know what it is. But he does. I do not understand why he would help me pay a medical bill, help me sell a car that needed to get out of my life, and tell me I am safe with him, unless he really loved me. Then again, he does have a boyfriend. A boyfriend I essentially told him to get because I do not know how much longer this relationship I am in is going to last. He set himself up for failure. He is going out with an 18 year old kid who just started coming out of the closet a few months ago. Literally like 3 months ago. Derreck is 34...and experienced in life. Nick, is not. He is ignorant, and whorish. Derreck already found text messages on his cell phone for a hook up to occur. It did not, but that is because the other guy had a guilty conscious before it even happened. How pathetic is that...not even 2 weeks into the relationship, and 3 months out of the closet, and the fucking faggot is already a sterotypical peice of shit. And of course because the guy was kicked out of his grandparents house for being queer Derreck will not kick him out...much less break up with him. It kind of pisses me off...but I cannot talk all that much. Yes, my situation is a lot more complicated than Derrekcs...but I have been with my cheater for a year after I found out about his initial cheating. But still...one day I was talking with Derreck on the phone and I said something to the affect of, "You set yourself up for failure...essentially it is like you are going out with this guy so you have something to be occupied with until I am available." He agreed...it was not an exact intent...when he started going out with this guy his emotions where open to what ever happened...love, caring, that kind of thing. But then on this guys manhunt or gay.com he put in his "looking for" category, "See where things go" as in he would be open to meeting other guys and seeing where it goes. Geez that annoys me! He does not deserve what Derreck stands for! I would not cheat on him. Well, unless he decided he wanted to screw up. But I do not think he would screw up with me. Anyway, I need to get back to reading my texts books for school and what not.